This is an extremely late post, but maybe for the one person who reads this, it can be important.
The month of May as some of you are aware is “Mental Health Awareness” month. To be frank, I didn’t even remember as I’ve been having to work to maintain my own mental health among other things as I go through the current landscape of my life and the next chapter in my own coaching career.
That said:
NEWSFLASH:
I have and struggle with a mental health disorder and I’m not afraid to admit it.
See, I haven’t always been open to people who asked but as I've gotten older (started really to feel this way in my late teens), I haven’t been afraid to admit that I have suffered and still deal with Anxiety and diagnosed OCD disorder.
I’m not talking about OCD where someone says “I’m so OCD about (insert some type of organizational issues here)”. I mean when I was 9 years old I washed my hands until they were cracked, bleeding, and raw as I was afraid of germs and getting sick. Checking windows, locks, and whatever else? Yeah, went through that (and sometimes occasionally do). I could go further down the rabbit hole, but worrying and doubt have been my enemy since I was a young child (I have included a link below to a story that can sum up OCD).
That said I learned in high school that having this doesn’t make me any less of a person and I’m not ashamed or embarrassed to say it (I mean there are over hundreds of people who will be reading this as soon as they wake up).
That said as this is a hockey newsletter, working in the youth sports industry can be a real f*%>$&@ nightmare at times when you have this type of disorder.
Some of the things I’ve dealt with as a coach or hockey director that have raised my stress and anxiety levels (which in turn flares up my OCD):
Parents are upset that their kid didn’t make a certain team so they're going to bail for another program. Working in a small club, we needed every quality player we can get, so up shoots my anxiety and I would worry about how we fill that spot if we even can. Add 2-3 families like this on the same team and you’re heading into a dumpster fire that takes days to put out and you’re thinking “now we can’t even have a season” (never happened). This called jumping to conclusions.
Not knowing how many kids are going to show up for tryouts and register, and constantly refreshing the registration tab on Sports Engine, despite having called and tried to sell the program to families I’ve been working with for years. Each day as you get closer and closer your stress levels go up because there is so much unknown. (Honestly, tryout season sucks for everyone; directors, coaches, parents, and players). This would be catastrophizing.
Being micromanaged on every single move you make, despite being the Paid Hockey Professional, only to have to worry about what will happen once you make said decision or comments. This also makes you second guess yourself and run through all 14 million scenarios as if your Dr. Strange trying to find the one way the Avengers can defeat Thanos, just to find the best solution that should make your life feel slightly better. This is using should statements.
Trying to make sure everyone is getting the best experience possible, but if one person complains you take it to heart and discount the actual positives. This brings out the depression machine. We call this overgeneralization.
I know this happens in other professions, so I’m not naive to think it’s just youth sports (I can only imagine how Stan Bowman feels every time he trades away a beloved Blackhawk) and doesn’t apply in other industries as well. Why, because I know plenty of people who struggle with the same things.
But that doesn’t mean as a society we have to bury our thoughts and feelings and not address them.
I get it, I am not perfect and I won’t ever make everyone happy; but I’ve still tried and that’s not healthy nor appropriate. During the end of my run as a hockey director, I started being better with that and while I never really had any issues speaking my mind and calling it like it is, I really stopped caring and wanted to make sure that if I was going out, it was on my terms and not on my knees.
At the end of the day, I’ve learned I can only do so much and while I try to plan ahead, I have to take things one day at a time. I still have really good days and some bad days. I’m not a finished product and there are plenty of puzzle pieces that need to be still put together.
I’ve been fortunate to have a great support system of friends, family, and mentors. But there are some out there that don’t have that.
I’ve also been fortunate to see many people with large platforms being vocal about their struggles with mental health disorders. Corey Hirsch has been extremely open about his struggles with OCD which as I stated above, you can his Player’s Tribune article here. Here’s Ryan Reynolds, one of my favorite comedy/action actors (who doesn’t love Deadpool?) who’s post made me actually realize it was Mental Health month talking about his issues with anxiety:
Don’t forget Robin Lehner who is completely open about his struggles with Bipolar disorder.
So my unqualified, unrequested suggestions for anyone struggling now and in the future, here are things that worked for me:
Find support and look for help. Psychology Today has a phenomenal listing of psychologists, psychiatrists, and therapists you can look for in your area right HERE.
Therapy is great and the stigma of going is long gone. (Hell, Tony Soprano even had a “shrink”.)
Medication has also been a really powerful tool for me that has helped equal things out with my brain chemistry.
If you’re reading this and struggling, whether you’re a coach, parent, player, or just a random Joe/Jane, know that you’re not alone and help is out there. Don’t be afraid to go out and ask for it. All you need to do is take that first step.
Enjoy your holiday weekend!